Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Mummers – I was one, and they know stage presence
Sunday, January 1st, 2012
I’m watching the Mummers parade in Philadelphia, featuring wenches, fancy dress, and string bands in elaborate costumes. When the Mummers figure out where the TV cameras are, they flock to them. What’s the learning for you? If you think your visibility is low, then look for the cameras — the most visible ways to record the action — rather than just looking for the highly visible projects. When you figure out where the “cameras” are (the people who inform others, the people who influence, the messaging systems in your organization), then you will be rewarded with visibility, without having to wear a sequined costume or be outside freezing on New Year’s Day.
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Restitution first, Resolution second
Sunday, January 1st, 2012
I think I know why people can’t keep new year resolutions. It has to do with regret about the past and self-recrimination and flagellation about what was not done in the past. So, before you make resolutions, make restitutions. Make a small sacrifice mentally to the remorse gods and forgive yourself for last year and maybe the years before. They are gone. Spend 10 minutes on this in meditation or even while doing the laundry. Just give yourself some mental forgiveness and move on to planning and enjoying 2012. Happy New Year!
Tags: criticism, intracommunication
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SuperNanny Shows Us 3 Useful Business Strategies for Managers
Monday, July 25th, 2011
I don’t have children, but I love watching SuperNanny. Here’s why: Every single time she creates clear structure, talks calmly but firmly, and reminds people of their responsibilities. Her strategies are especially useful for people who are either too nice or too tough in managing their people. Here are 3 SuperNanny teachings for managing your adults and their “inner child”:
1. Set up structure, post it, and be consistent and fair in applying it. It’s so tempting as a manager to jump in and start solving problems. Sound familiar? That feels a lot sexier than laying out a general plan for interactions and processes. It’s worth it, though, even if this structuring task is boring compared to saving the world!
2. Be firm about your standards, and explain why you are taking immediate action. The key is to explain why, and for corporate citizens, rather than children, they need to hear multiple reasons for your standards so that you appeal to their inner extrovert, introvert, change-lover, and change-hater equally and consistently.
3. Don’t forget to praise and play together. When there is so much work to do and so few resources, praise and play can fly out the window in favor of grinding work. Even a second of praise and a minute of play or friendly, unpressured chat mean a lot.
None of the above means that you have to either put people in the “naughty chair” or conversely, throw a party for every success. Instead, SuperNanny’s 3 techniques above put you in the habit as a leader to give an immediate response to either reinforce or extinguish behaviors and create helpful attitude adjustments.
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Snowbound — a chance to think
Wednesday, January 12th, 2011
It’s about 4 inches of gently falling snow outside right now. I love it. Meetings have already canceled for the next day. If I stay home tomorrow and do nothing but phone calls and paperwork, it will be great! Why? I don’t have any great novels to read or things to buy on-line (okay, I *do* want an e-reader), my flute is in the shop, and my husband will be on his laptop. My real happiness for the day will be having hours in a row to think, really think, about all those topics I’ve saved in hopes of just such a snow-bound day. I want to think of how to verify and write up a new coaching approach. I want to figure out how to connect with the ever more difficult people in my life. I want to think of a plan about how to be a consistently good friend, even as my availability for friends diminishes. I want to make a difference in the world. One snowy day is my road into thinking my way into being the best. I can’t wait. I even have the perfect notebook for taking “thinking notes.” Dogs and cat at my feet, a cup of coffee in hand, and oh, a silenced Blackberry. THAT will make this thinking day REALLY work.
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An Inexpensive Gift to Give
Thursday, December 30th, 2010
I’m having a great time reading The Zen of Listening by Rebecca Shafir, a neurotherapist and speech pathologist. Her latest “gift” in the book is this quote: “Listening is a very inexpensive way to give to others.” She offers this statement after pages of quotes from people who recalled the moment in which they had felt truly listened to and understood, without interruptions by others to tell their own stories or “run their own agendas.” To receive full and complete listening by others seems so rare that people find it to be magical. I’m enjoying focusing on listening without barriers or an agenda. It’s not so hard. Here’s the link for her book: http://www.mindfulcommunication.com/
At our company, we’ve spent a lot of time helping people to hear implied meanings in questions and discern the intentions of others, but I think I will recommend this book for its approach to the fine points of focusing and listening. More later on this topic. Thanks for reading this blog, and let me know what you think.
Tags: inexpensive gift, listening, paying attention, Zen of Listening
Posted in Auditory Memory, Career Advancement, Dealing with difficult people and situations, Executive Communications, Generational Differences, Influencing, Interviewing Skills, Presence, self-direction and control | No Comments »
How to Talk About Snowstorms
Wednesday, December 29th, 2010
Our local weatherwoman, Laurie , is a great example of what Rudy Karsan, CEO of KeneXa, calls a transceiver versus a transmitter (Real-World HR Communicator at Work e-zine at kenexa.com). Laurie doesn’t recite what the computer models show. She tells us about weather in everyday terms. In Karsan’s words, she doesn’t just talk at us as viewers. Instead, she uses knowledge of the listener’s frame of mind and how he or she will receive what she says. By transceiving, Karsan would say that she is increasing engagement with listeners, with a likely positive response from listeners.
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Well, Everyone else is doing it….
Monday, December 27th, 2010
We are always looking for ways to help people to be more persuasive, even compelling. Sometimes those ways show up in research on advertising that works or making messages that “stick.” Thank you, marketing consultants. At Rae Cook & Associates, we scan “data” for patterns and outliers, and one pattern that is showing up in advertising is the approach/mesage: “everyone else is doing it, so you should, too”. Surprisingly, this method doesn’t just work with kids and teenagers, but even with adults. One study looked at ways to convince hotel guests to use fewer towels to avoid unnecessary washing and environmental impact. Hotel managers put signs with dire warnings about climate and environment preservation. Those didn’t work. So they switched to a message that basically said, “OTHER hotel guests were being sensitive to the environment and replacing their towels on racks.” After changing to the “everyone is doing it” message, the cooperation rate for this environmentally sensitive behavior rose over 25%. Hmmm.
Energy utility companies tried a similar approach. USA Today recently printed a finding that 25 US utilities who provided their customers with reports that compare their energy usage to their neighbors’ usage encouraged up to a 3% reduction in energy consumption. We DO want to keep up with our neighbors and other “respectable” people. That fact makes us think that when we want to persuade, we need to consider the “everyone is doing it” approach. The old approach of making projects, products, or services stand out may not be as effective as making them fit in…to the norm. So, if you previously tried to sell by saying you would be the “only one that ….”, you might want to consider selling it as “we will be in the pack with the companies that everyone respects.” I know, it’s not nearly as exciting a message, but sometimes the inelegant “persuader” is the best!
Tags: Influencing, persuasion, research, selling
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The Case of Mistaken Identity: Male or Female Speaker?
Thursday, November 4th, 2010
A psychiatrist gave a speech on diversity at a workshop I went to, and the main point of his speech is that our genders are along a continuum of male and female, with each of us existing more toward one gender or the other, but not so black and white as we usually think of gender. But your voice or speech could place you on the opposite side of the continuum from where you want to be. That can be a problem.
What about the people who, if you just listened to them speak, you wouldn’t be sure if you were listening to a man or a woman? What’s going on here that’s making their voices so confusing?
1. Syllable length: Women tend to lengthen their syllables by prolonging their vowels. Men who similarly prolong their vowels will sound feminine in Western cultures. For example: “How aaaare youuuu?” (a feminine pattern). Men speak in short, even clipped vowels in Western culture.
2. Sound emphasis: Women tend to articulate their sounds at the beginnings of words more gently than men do. However, stronger articulation of first sounds is associated with authority and confidence. Example: “The Point is….”
3. Voice resonance: A feminine type of voice emanates from the front of the mouth and the hard palate in the middle of the mouth. A masculine sound emanates from the throat and chest for Western cultures. Speakers of Indian (continent) and Chinese dialects often speak from the top of the mouth, or palate, and nasally (through their noses) for both sexes, and this voice pattern is at the heart of “accents” when compared to American English. A woman who speaks from the chest may sound masculine in Western cultures.
4. Sibilance: Sibilance refers to lengthening sibilant sounds that include “s, z, sh, ch, dzh”. When these sounds are prolonged, Western cultures find the overall speech pattern to be feminine. Example: “I’m ssssso glad to sssssee you!”
Sssso, if you are a male who is mistaken for a female or vice versa over the phone, then you might want to pay attention to the 4 Gender Factors in Speech above. Also, if you are usually taken by the opposite gender as being “just a friend,” then you might be using the other sex’s speech and voice patterns, making you sound more like “one of the girls” or “one of the boys” and not a potential lover. This is not a permanent pattern. These speech patterns are just habits. Talk to us about speech and voice coaching if the gender aspect of speech is giving you difficulties socially!
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Sarah Palin and her Memorable Speech Pattern
Monday, November 1st, 2010
Sarah Palin uses voice and speech to make herself unforgettable. Her speaking style is about more than the words that she uses or the thoughts she expresses. (Check out her speech at the 2008 Republican National Convention on YouTube.) Let’s examine her voice and speech in detail:
1. Her voice: Palin speaks from her chest, giving her a strong, resonant voice that sounds confident. By speaking from her chest, I mean that her voice is vibrated not just from the front of her face, as many women speak, but from her chest. The complex voice quality this creates is unusually full of harmonics and projects well. Christine O’Donnell in my home state of Delaware would benefit from adding this voice quality to her speaking style.
2. Voice movement and duration: She keeps her voice on, with few breaks or long pauses, and uses a lot of intonation or up and down movement of her voice. This continuous sound makes listeners pay attention, and the up and down movement add emphasis and importance to what she says.
3. Speech patterns: She over-enunciates her consonants at the beginnings of words. This extra air pressure on initial consonants in words makes her speech sound more confident and insistent. It is an unusual pattern for females, including many female leaders. Hillary Clinton uses this pattern as well, but because her voice is often monotonous, it is not as engaging as Sarah Palin’s.
These are just a few speech patterns that add the sound of confidence and importance. Palin is quite consistent in using them. More on our politicians’ speech patterns in later posts.
See our course on speaking style to learn these patterns to influence others in your life. You can change your speaking style if it’s not working for you.
By the way, references made here to Sarah, Christine and Hillary are not intended to be positional statements for or against these people.
Tags: Sarah Palin, Speaking Style, speech pattern, voice
Posted in Executive Communications, Influencing, Presence, Speech and Voice, Uncategorized | No Comments »
Great speaker = winner
Sunday, October 31st, 2010
The Financial Times published a letter that quotes Richard Critchfield in Among the English as saying, “This society has since Elizabethan times rewarded almost extravagantly the articulate, the eloquent, the witty, the masters of words, and repartee.” See www.ft.com. Still true? YES. Being “articulate” as become more than a compliment. It succeeds more than facts or logic.
Don’t give up on trying to be more articulate. Now here’s a surprise: to be more articulate, just try talking about 10% slower. This gives your brain a chance to find your best words and to edit your speech before you say something. Try it.
You may not need to be articulate to do your daily activities or to run for office, but it will let you win when interviewing for a job or persuading a customer to buy your service, right?
Speak to you later.
Tags: being articulate, interviewing, slowing down
Posted in Career Advancement, Interviewing Skills, Presence, Speaking Style, self-direction and control | No Comments »