“Color” — that’s the person who adds interesting stories, quips, quotes, and comments to make the ball game and the players interesting. When your team gives a presentation, wouldn’t it be more interesting if you had a color person, too? What if you were the color person? Keep it appropriate, though. Don’t make anyone look or sound bad in front of an audience. Enjoy.

I like sports analogies. But then again, I was quite a tomboy, and these analogies make sense to me as a result. But if you are speaking to a global group or others who didn’t play sports or aren’t interested in them, maybe you should think of analogies that relate to what others have in common — family, weather, vacations, and if not politically charged, current events. I’m glad you like sports, and you can go ahead and use some athletic analogies, but you’d better explain them. Then you’ll really score.

The next time I am invited to a memorial service, I will make sure to speak at it, to memorialize the greatness of people that possibly receive the most admiration from those with the least need to entertain or complain. Please write me a role in the program, so that I can do this one good thing for a dear business friend, colleague, and coach. I will never forget Dave Holmes, and I miss him and admire him despite the “send-off” I experienced. I guess the family just didn’t know him or could see past their history.

1. Set up structure, post it, and be consistent and fair in applying it. It’s so tempting as a manager to jump in and start solving problems. Sound familiar? That feels a lot sexier than laying out a general plan for interactions and processes. It’s worth it, though, even if this structuring task is boring compared to saving the world!

2. Be firm about your standards, and explain why you are taking immediate action. The key is to explain why, and for corporate citizens, rather than children, they need to hear multiple reasons for your standards so that you appeal to their inner extrovert, introvert, change-lover, and change-hater equally and consistently.

3. Don’t forget to praise and play together. When there is so much work to do and so few resources, praise and play can fly out the window in favor of grinding work. Even a second of praise and a minute of play or friendly, unpressured chat mean a lot.

None of the above means that you have to either put people in the “naughty chair” or conversely, throw a party for every success. Instead, SuperNanny’s 3 techniques above put you in the habit as a leader to give an immediate response to either reinforce or extinguish behaviors and create helpful attitude adjustments.

If we’re avoiding these conversations, then what are we doing instead? Nonsensical and superficial communications? Yup. So I’m writing to bridge the gap between superficial and crucial-fierce conversations, so that you can safely ease your way into the deeper waters of relationship communications. Here are two ways:

1. Start by talking about the other person or people’s point(s) of view first, before you voice yours. Why: You are starting with easier content AND demonstrating your excellent listening and caring. Example: “You seem to be saying that we need to do X for Y reason. Steve says that we need to do X but for another reason.” Then interview your compadres in the meeting and check if you expressed their points of view correctly.

2. To grow your confidence toward having crucial-fierce conversations, next offer your opinion not as a hard, fast critique but first as a topic to bring up. Why: You can ease into the conversation and re-direct it without frightening yourself. Example: “Whereas you and Steve see it this way, I see a need to focus on THIS topic instead.” You can then explain or you can turn the conversation back to the other person by saying, “What does that mean to YOU?”

You can cycle through this process several times and work your way up to a deeper, more genuine conversation and d–m-it!, maybe a crucial-fierce one. I can explain more. Just contact me. It’s a great topic and strategy.

It’s about 4 inches of gently falling snow outside right now. I love it. Meetings have already canceled for the next day. If I stay home tomorrow and do nothing but phone calls and paperwork, it will be great! Why? I don’t have any great novels to read or things to buy on-line (okay, I *do* want an e-reader), my flute is in the shop, and my husband will be on his laptop. My real happiness for the day will be having hours in a row to think, really think, about all those topics I’ve saved in hopes of just such a snow-bound day. I want to think of how to verify and write up a new coaching approach. I want to figure out how to connect with the ever more difficult people in my life. I want to think of a plan about how to be a consistently good friend, even as my availability for friends diminishes. I want to make a difference in the world. One snowy day is my road into thinking my way into being the best. I can’t wait. I even have the perfect notebook for taking “thinking notes.” Dogs and cat at my feet, a cup of coffee in hand, and oh, a silenced Blackberry. THAT will make this thinking day REALLY work.