Posts Tagged ‘criticism’

Restitution first, Resolution second

Sunday, January 1st, 2012

I think I know why people can’t keep new year resolutions. It has to do with regret about the past and self-recrimination and flagellation about what was not done in the past. So, before you make resolutions, make restitutions. Make a small sacrifice mentally to the remorse gods and forgive yourself for last year and maybe the years before. They are gone. Spend 10 minutes on this in meditation or even while doing the laundry. Just give yourself some mental forgiveness and move on to planning and enjoying 2012. Happy New Year!

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Posted in Uncategorized, self-direction and control | No Comments »

2 Key ways to ease into fierce, crucial and other types of confrontational, “real”conversations

Sunday, July 24th, 2011

Crucial Conversations and Fierce Conversations have been one of the many thought provoking ways of talking about communications. I like them, because they’re right when they say that conversations are at the heart of business and relationships. You’ve got to really get psyched up to face either of these in-depth approaches to dialogue, though. According to these authors and anyone’s experience of life, crucial and fierce conversations are what most of us want to avoid.

If we’re avoiding these conversations, then what are we doing instead? Nonsensical and superficial communications? Yup. So I’m writing to bridge the gap between superficial and crucial-fierce conversations, so that you can safely ease your way into the deeper waters of relationship communications. Here are two ways:

1. Start by talking about the other person or people’s point(s) of view first, before you voice yours. Why: You are starting with easier content AND demonstrating your excellent listening and caring. Example: “You seem to be saying that we need to do X for Y reason. Steve says that we need to do X but for another reason.” Then interview your compadres in the meeting and check if you expressed their points of view correctly.

2. To grow your confidence toward having crucial-fierce conversations, next offer your opinion not as a hard, fast critique but first as a topic to bring up. Why: You can ease into the conversation and re-direct it without frightening yourself. Example: “Whereas you and Steve see it this way, I see a need to focus on THIS topic instead.” You can then explain or you can turn the conversation back to the other person by saying, “What does that mean to YOU?”

You can cycle through this process several times and work your way up to a deeper, more genuine conversation and d–m-it!, maybe a crucial-fierce one. I can explain more. Just contact me. It’s a great topic and strategy.

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Posted in Dealing with difficult people and situations, Executive Communications, Influencing | 1 Comment »

#1 Criticism

Thursday, September 16th, 2010

Criticism in corporate life seems to follow trends. The latest trend — criticism for not being supportive or not consciously building relationship. Not everyone is a relationship-oriented person, and I’m not saying that a driven, task-oriented person has to turn into someone who is artifically interested in people. Try this: Start and end your speaking, even in a hallway, with THEIR needs before talking about your own needs and ideas. End with their needs, followed finally by a “We…” or uniting statement.
Here’s an example: “You told us that you were concerned that our pricing might not be competitive. As a result, I looked into several data points. (Explain), (Ending:) Do you think that these ideas will help us to price our product more competitively? If so, I’m glad our group could help. We’re all trying to put our company into the best position we can.”

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Posted in Influencing, Presentation Skills | No Comments »