Posts Tagged ‘diplomacy’

2 Key ways to ease into fierce, crucial and other types of confrontational, “real”conversations

Sunday, July 24th, 2011

Crucial Conversations and Fierce Conversations have been one of the many thought provoking ways of talking about communications. I like them, because they’re right when they say that conversations are at the heart of business and relationships. You’ve got to really get psyched up to face either of these in-depth approaches to dialogue, though. According to these authors and anyone’s experience of life, crucial and fierce conversations are what most of us want to avoid.

If we’re avoiding these conversations, then what are we doing instead? Nonsensical and superficial communications? Yup. So I’m writing to bridge the gap between superficial and crucial-fierce conversations, so that you can safely ease your way into the deeper waters of relationship communications. Here are two ways:

1. Start by talking about the other person or people’s point(s) of view first, before you voice yours. Why: You are starting with easier content AND demonstrating your excellent listening and caring. Example: “You seem to be saying that we need to do X for Y reason. Steve says that we need to do X but for another reason.” Then interview your compadres in the meeting and check if you expressed their points of view correctly.

2. To grow your confidence toward having crucial-fierce conversations, next offer your opinion not as a hard, fast critique but first as a topic to bring up. Why: You can ease into the conversation and re-direct it without frightening yourself. Example: “Whereas you and Steve see it this way, I see a need to focus on THIS topic instead.” You can then explain or you can turn the conversation back to the other person by saying, “What does that mean to YOU?”

You can cycle through this process several times and work your way up to a deeper, more genuine conversation and d–m-it!, maybe a crucial-fierce one. I can explain more. Just contact me. It’s a great topic and strategy.

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Posted in Dealing with difficult people and situations, Executive Communications, Influencing | 2 Comments »

Inconsiderate people

Monday, June 21st, 2010

I’m getting a lot of requests lately for how to deal with inconsiderate people at work. They are the people who won’t answer your question and who act as if everyday requests are an imposition. Their typical facial expression is a sneer, their tone sarcastic or contemptuous.

Some of them harbor more than an excess of resentment about life. Some are actually pathological. How can you tell the difference and how can you keep from burning up after they burn you? Another issue: you can’t do or say anything that will flag *you* as the problem, right? See some hints in the next blog.

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Posted in Dealing with difficult people and situations, Influencing | No Comments »

Gotcha!

Wednesday, March 31st, 2010

Some people tell me that they like to analyze for gaps in others’ work. They’re great at finding “what’s missing” in data, quality, scope, reasoning, and alignment with current strategic goals. However, when they deliver their feedback on others’ gaps, for some reason people do not seem happy to receive the helpful criticism they offer.

Even if finding gaps is one of your key roles, consider that your feedback may cause someone else a great deal of pain and even shame. Worse, if you deliver your gap analysis with too much joy at finding errors, your listeners might pay much more attention to the thrill you evidence at finding fault rather than to the feedback itself.

Wouldn’t you also be upset if someone took pleasure in finding fault with you? My reason for posting this thought is to remind you that you can do great things by analyzing gaps, but make sure that how you deliver your gap analysis is considerate and diplomatic.

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Posted in Influencing, Speaking Style | No Comments »